You know the problem. The 'ol lady used to be happy sitting on the washing machine at full spin loaded with a half-brick. But now she's wants more, she's discovered the thrill of your scoot. Being the ever caring sort of chaps we are at "Live to Ride", we thought we should help our loyal readers out with this common domestic problem. So what to do... we road-test the alternatives...

First things first- does it actually work? Well the answer to that is an emphatic YEEEEEEESSSSSS on all levels. There are clip-on accouterments designed for different parts of the body- the face, scalp and the soles of the feet, thighs and bum, and a special one for deep muscle relaxing... no, no, you're jumping ahead a little there, hold on. On the above boards massager area, it certainly does the works, but that's not what you want to know, is it? Well let me just say that once she's tried this, you'd better get in on the act, 'cause otherwise, you're out on your arse boy.

Now to the nitty-gritty. How does it perform against the big boys on the vibratory stakes, aka Messrs Harley and Davidson, and Mr.-Washing-machine-on-Spincycle-with-a-half-brick-in-it?

The Harley's a breeze to find, of course, but where do you test drive washing machines? Yeah Comet & Curry's, where else? Well *anywhere* else as it happens, thanks to the chain stores universal disapproval- Christ, it wasn't as if we were going to strip off & put our filthy rags into them. Undaunted, we headed for my place, again purely in the interests of scientific investigation, and lo and behold, a good time was had by all, but I'll have to get the f*cker serviced now though, to get the dents out of the interior *and* exterior.

We all know the legendary vibratory power of Harleys, but how do they stand up to the rigours of a real foxy babe thrusting her loins and other bits into the tank and seat at 3000 revs? Over to our Sharon for that one...

"Well, it sure beats the hell out of the tumble drier and the Hoover, but you can't beat the real thing." Well, you can but he might complain a bit at first. By the way I'm six foot with big boobs and long blond hair and I need as new animal, so come on down.

Well what can we say other than the results were inconclusive, but, then again, only one of them can fit in your handbag, and it does come with one years Parts and Labour guarantee(f*ck I'd love to see any product complaint forms, and if Martin at Omax gets any, he's promised to keep us informed), and I don't mean the Harley.

(© August 1997 Live to Ride magazine)